I was all set to go to Baltimore & DC this weekend with a bunch of friends. That was until I got up this morning. Well it wasn’t really getting up. My alarm went off, but since I wasn’t able to sleep it doesn’t count as getting up. that was the problem. I haven’t been able to sleep allot recently. As a bit of background information I get migraine headaches. I usually get them from eye strain or lack of sleep. That brings me to this morning and me not sleeping. I got out of bed and I already had a head ache. That happens sometimes, so I decided to go through my normal routine. A shower and something to drink usually can clear my head enough that I am fine. Well today it didn’t. This caused me a dilemma. Do I try to take some medication and hope for the best on a 4 hour car drive away from home, or do I cancel my plans? Waking up feeling like a full blown migraine is about to start does not set the stage for a perfect day. A long car drive and then sitting in the sun at a baseball game also is not the perfect situation for a migraine. I decided to not go on my trip. I was too worried to take the chance, and be that far from home with an impending migraine on my hands.

The scenario I just pictured happened today, but it is also part of one of my worst fears. To be away from home, or not able to stop and rest and handle a full blown migraine is a fear that I live with. Whenever make plans I worry that something like that will happen. Was this time a self fulfilling prophecy? I don’t think so, but it gets me wondering. I have lived through this fear before, so to me it is very real. When given the chance I won’t (and didn’t) take the risk of venturing out when I was not feeling 100%. It pisses me off. It probably pisses my friends off also, but I need to take care of myself.

Instead of venturing off to DC, I crawled back into bed and waited for what felt like (and probably was) hours till sleep came to me. I originally got up around 5:30AM. I crawled back to bed around 6:30. I don’t know when I actually slept. I just remember I got out of bed and got dressed probably around 3PM today. I didn’t venture outside until 4PM or so. I went on some quick errands and headed home. I was tired after that.

Now of course I am wide awake. It feels like my entire sleep schedule is reversed. I can’t sleep at night, but I am so tired during the day. When I called to tell Jayson I was bailing out of the trip he said I should take something to help me sleep. I only do that when I have a cold. I don’t want to get used to or addicted on some sleeping aide. But tonight I might take the plunge and try something. I just want a good night sleep. My dad will attribute the lack of sleep to stress. I tell him, yeah so. I need to find a way to deal with work stress better. It is the only thing that I can think of that is causing this.

On the bright side because of the extra nap I eked out this morning the full migraine I was afraid of never came to pass. Would it have happened if I had gone on the trip? My personal history tells me tha there was a good chance. Am I upset I missed the fun? Of course I am. Will I get shit from everyone from bailing out? Of course. I already got a voice mail from Gus, and 3 SMS messages from people. All I can say is what I said to Dari, “I don’t wish this on anyone”.

I am going to write a bit more, and then I will try sleeping again…

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